Breaking through the ceiling

I'm seeing some success with getting more lean thanks to changes with food, etc.  But then the last few nights I haven't been as motivated to avoid nighttime snacking.  I wanted to eat and I didn't really care that it might slow my progress.

That little voice that we all have inside of us says, "I don't care enough- I'd rather get instant gratification from eating right now"  Hmmm....well that's not going to get me where I want to be.  What's going on?

I'm figuring it out- I'm slowing my progress because I'm making progress.  Huh?  Yep, you heard me right.  Allow me to explain, because it's taken me a very long time to figure this one out myself.

My learned response to success is "Stop.  You've seen some success but you need to stop here to stay in mediocrity.  You're not allowed to fully succeed because you're not important enough for that.  You're only allowed to be mediocre, so eat at night and snack so you don't get any closer to your goals.  Other people's success are more important than your own.  You need to stay in the background."

Crazy- I know.  But that's what I've believed for, well- a long time.  In fact, I realize now that I believed that supporting others' successes is even more virtuous than making my own success a reality.   As if I'm more worthy by putting others' worth ahead of my own, and therefore making myself unworthy.

So I realized I'm eating at night to keep me from more success.  But now that I see that's what's been happening I can see it for what it is....Craziness.

I don't need to be content with where I'm at.  I can go further if I want to.

I've historically climbed partway up the ladder, reaching for a goal and getting partway there.  But then I hit a ceiling that stops me from going further.  The ladder keeps going higher- to bigger and loftier dreams and realities.  But I can't see what those realities are because the ceiling keeps me at "average" and prevents me from seeing excellence.  This is true in efforts to lose weight and improve my "relationship" with food as well as other areas- I often say "that's good enough".  Well, I don't want it to be just good enough anymore.

Now that I see the ladder going further on, I want to know where it leads.  I can break through the ceiling that's been over me and continue to climb.  Pretty cool, isn't it?